„KRISTEN STEWART
You really are a vampire! Does that mean that garlic, stakes, and sunlight kill you?

ROBERT PATTINSON
Don’t be stupid. All of that lore is far too interesting for this movie. Being a vampire just means I get superpowers. It’s like being Spiderman, but sexier. Also, I sparkle in the sunlight.

KRISTEN STEWART
So that’s why why your family moved here, because it’s always overcast!

ROBERT PATTINSON
That’s right everyone, this whole movie is a 2-hour-long setup for a joke about the Pacific Northwest.

KRISTEN STEWART
So if you’re immortal, how old are you anyway?

ROBERT PATTINSON
Over a hundred, but to be fair I’ve spent most of that time working on my hair.

The two of them GAZE into each other’s eyes with UNCOMFORTABLY HUGE CLOSEUPS for 80% of the rest of the movie.“

Das alternative Script zu Twilight, via Kein Blut, Rot!